A collection of erotic fiction and poetry by Kilted Wookie, based on a mixture of experience and imagination in varying proportions.
Alfresco #MasturbationMonday https://t.co/6sa4e9oV8w https://t.co/gjO9hMKMd2
WARNING!!! Copyright Theft https://t.co/XbHUlPdB41 https://t.co/KjavajGox1
#StoryIn12 – July https://t.co/0ZjQwe2Mb5 https://t.co/PdqlIibQht
#MasturbationMonday Round-Up #SoSS @Kaylalords @kisungura @Romanticisa @CoffeeAndKink https://t.co/v2STRCZqd0 https://t.co/Pc4dRJMZUH
Picture This https://t.co/RMx63xQk9s
Word for Wednesday – Lust https://t.co/dVmiBfJ4hZ https://t.co/a1vPVQPELu
Summer Past #F4TFriday #MasturbationMonday #OralSexProject https://t.co/N31XXFbVmP https://t.co/Phk7F6fefc
The Ethics Of Writing Filth https://t.co/RKzJdBbndm
#StoryIn12 – May https://t.co/eIqJ5AVWDN https://t.co/nOTxDWVZYF
@newgirllbianca I don't know, I mean, yellow sunglassess...😉
Word for Wednesday – Doppelgänger https://t.co/ZkBOh8MwUN https://t.co/pHwaAAqPlN
Thoughts On Nipple Play https://t.co/S3btHyKfd4 @PosyChurchgate
Sexual Symphony #WickedWednesday https://t.co/eeACIK3KQS
On Her Knees #MasturbationMonday https://t.co/nPrc8Mj6p8 https://t.co/3IurQPBNZN
Word for Wednesday – Requiem https://t.co/RxlQfv7YSF https://t.co/lBHnA0HyH0
Women Shouldn’t Need To Play Rape Roulette https://t.co/3UTLcK9urs
For Your Viewing Pleasure https://t.co/A1UgwLvRV7
The Closest Shave #KoTW #KinkOfTheWeek https://t.co/y1FnshKFzE
New & Interesting #WickedWednesday https://t.co/C142gx6sVj
TMI Tuesday – Sex Is Life https://t.co/lTMVqjxHow
Favourite Things https://t.co/wbWQTdbVQR
You probably know me already, but don't hold that against me... This kind of explains it: https://t.co/QEieFLwhee #ClearAsMud
When Nothing Seems To Matter https://t.co/79GZLqiWmn https://t.co/9Tj6aWZBuI
Taking a break. Take care and be good to each other and, more importantly, yourselves.
#StoryIn12 https://t.co/gKFZiwXuhy https://t.co/vER3WYPfZS
@spacegirlgail I'd vote for that. #InCatsWeTrust
@spacegirlgail With you on this one (although the negatives seem to be shading it for me), actually, politics in general
@Doxysmidniterun If it's any consolation, you carried it off well... 😉
@Doxysmidniterun Desperately seeking sanity?
Dust gathered on the magazine, lying unread and unwanted on the shelf. #StoryIn12
@BugsLula @frankallenweb I'm almost glad Scotland didn't qualify, I didn't need to buy Tennant's.
@BugsLula @frankallenweb Didn't have enough characters left.
Just been shopping and stocked the fridge up with beers ready for the World Cup. San Miguel for when Spain play cos… https://t.co/8km4QUCr9i
@TheSplintercat I'm just a positive ray of fucking sunshine, me...
@Swirlingfire @storyin12 It's OK. I kind of like solitude anyway
The destruction was absolute. His world could now be made as new. #StoryIn12
No one had missed him. Being absent wasn't so bad after all. #StoryIn12
@TitsAndTestTube story of my life
@TitsAndTestTube I volunteer as tribute...
RT @Doxysmidniterun: Whoever made this - you are a genius. https://t.co/R3u0Qp1Q1o
RT @miksrambles: It’s been at least five years since I’ve had sex and I don’t know what is what anymore. Which limbs go in which holes? W…
Glad to be of use to someone https://t.co/bqnZ1JyrO1
I've kind of given up again...
It was the hardest loss to bear, the loss of one's self. #StoryIn12
In the begining she was an acquaintance, now she is a lover. #StoryIn12
@MissScarletUK Thank you😘
@storyin12 Someone had to play the silence of the lambs card... 😉
He needed a fine Chianti to go with his delicately braised liver. #StoryIn12
RT @seraphicpetal: Do you ever find yourself randomly blocked from people you had no clue existed? It's like woah how did I piss in your ch…
RT @depressionnote: ⚠️ Warning signs of depression you shouldn’t ignore ⚠️ ⚠️ low self esteem ⚠️ guilt ⚠️ hopelessness ⚠️ fatigue ⚠️ ins…
@ht_honey Shame they aren't smothering me #PredictableMaleComment
@_Masterseye Mine was bacon and scrambled eggs
@TitsAndTestTube Bet you look great in a corset
@girlonthenet I'm dyslexic, so you should be able to beat me easily.
@confess_Hannah And why not? Even if you are a tad overdressed...😉
Just like a siren, the singer lured her victims to their doom. #StoryIn12
@newgirllbianca Hell, I'm Scottish. Fuck isn't swearing, it's punctuation...
@Mintyminxy That's a pretty fine arse for a Friday morning (or any time actually...)
Provoke me once more and you will feel the leather's sharp kiss. #StoryIn12
@EA_unadorned @theotherlivvy Wasn't that Mortimer the Crow?
@frankallenweb I slept it's a server problem rather than the kit I have
@frankallenweb This is my work laptop's Outlook having a hissy fit. If it were my own, it would be fixed (assuming… https://t.co/1X9XEmXLnu
You know that thing where your technology just works flawlessly...? Nope. Me neither!
@DomSigns I do find it slightly amusing that Dom is the German word for Cathedral
@DomSigns Well, artistic licence perhaps...
@19syllables If it had been the House of Lords, I'm almost certain they would have been appropriate
Beneath the Cathedral's marbled dome, they proclaimed their devotion to each other #StoryIn12
@DomSigns Should you not be a Pleasure Dom?
@riversongsweet To have someone that you can share that with is wonderful
@riversongsweet I get that it can only work if you are totally open and the trust is there
@riversongsweet It's great that you both have someone who gets each other
@riversongsweet Congratulations to you both
@Katteroo_ Which gives him ultimately what he wants as he is just as pro-brexit as most Tories but trying to portray himself as EU-friendly
@TitsAndTestTube Well done. Just keep on keeping on
If I switch the quality filter on, will I stop seeing #LoveIsland tweets?
@confess_Hannah Clearly. Ah well...
You misspelled the word "care" or possibly the phrase "give a shit" https://t.co/pxYRoqO9v9
@madamestephanie If by this you mean Hairy Highlander, then yes. My cover is blown.
@JamesCoyne @Scientits Just deliver it already, I'm Hank Marvin
I think my legs want a divorce from the rest of my body
@madamestephanie So did I, but between the spiralling cost and the cumulative health effects of 30+ years, somethin… https://t.co/FZLWpGKtSY
@19syllables It is. If anyone else but you reads it, it's real.
@MuenchowGriffin I'm NE Scottish, so to me they are softies @mandapen
@madamestephanie You can do it. I've been nicotine free for just over 13 months
First run of the pre-season training completed. I'm getting far too old for this shit...
@D011alpha Will it annoy you when you go back and find it's turned sour?
If you're happy and you know it, then lucky you...
@nookysemper @confess_Hannah I could take you up on that on one of my regular London trips
@confess_Hannah Please do. you have a wonderful smile
I almost deleted my online self again this evening. Gave myself a reprieve but I think I need to reevaluate my online presence again
@confess_Hannah No, that's true,I guess. I've just been feeling particularly bleak for far too long
@alittlespoonH Thank you xx
@confess_Hannah @nookysemper Just had two weeks in Spain (didn't even take a single naughty photo)
@Mollysdailykiss @mistress34F @girlonthenet I'd take it, if it wasn't that it would mean my cat had developed human… https://t.co/fx77z7v99C
@confess_Hannah @nookysemper Ah. I'm just generally rubbish at the moment
@girlonthenet @Mollysdailykiss I'd probably feature on every page =(
Depression sucks #ThatIsAll #MentalHealthAwareness #SB4MH
What I Know Now https://t.co/sPMdRla9dj
Sexual Friendships https://t.co/d0gKDkxt0I
OK, it's time for me to log out of here again for a while. Be good to each other while I'm away...
@Swirlingfire @kowbayashi Works for me
@kowbayashi Tapadh leat
@kowbayashi Virtual hugs are fine by me. Not really in the mood for naughtiness tbh
@NK_Newt My complexes have complexes
@confess_Hannah Seriously though, where have you been all my life? (apart from "unborn" for most of it 😐)
@ABZQuine Ta muchly
So, it seems today is one of those craving oblivion days (and I don't mean the godawful Tom Cruise film, that reall… https://t.co/9M8gF8bv18
@TabithaErotica @Exposing40 Ah, OK. There is a bizarre outdoor fireplace in the woods near the big house there
@TabithaErotica @Exposing40 Is that Dalkeith country park?
@ABZQuine I know you are, and I appreciate it
@_Masterseye Rise of the machines...
@perfectlysj It's allowed though...
@_Masterseye I'm like that when I'm in Croydon sometimes
@ABZQuine Yes. Just a bit bleak this evening, but I'll get through it. You ok?
You may already know this, but depression is a pisser...
@sinfulsea @TheSplintercat Or perhaps the right one...
@TitsAndTestTube Well, next week I'll be in Spain
@TitsAndTestTube Well, if we weren't on opposite coasts...
@KaylaLords @SouthernSirsPl It's always possible I guess
@AntiMishk @MacFloozy I didn't know they even were a thing. How terribly unreconstructed of me.
@OddSockTree @tinycharlotte72 I know this so well.
@KaylaLords That's actually my Dad...
Although the pedant in me wants to point out its a Union Flag. It's only a Union Jack if it's on a ship. https://t.co/XHQfVMDLIS
@TabithaErotica @kinkly Probably not the target demographic, but always glad to help a neighbour
RT @PaulMerse: https://t.co/zTGVJraRK4 #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek
@frankallenweb I felt a bit like that about Black Panther. If you've already seen lion king, you can probably give it a miss
@sexblogofsorts Sex, or fuck. Shag if I'm being playful.
@TheSplintercat It's me attempting to be positive about myself
@Inner_Devil @19syllables I love it personally, professionally not so much, but it keeps me in a job I guess
M25, I am inside you...
@PTFEperson @MissusBojangles As one portly middle-aged white guy to another, I share your pain
@Katteroo_ Did you even need to ask
@sexblogofsorts Thanks for making me feel really old...
@NK_Newt Glad rags?
@NK_Newt Silver linings
And guess where I am again... https://t.co/1XXJ0UNF5S
High praise indeed 😍 https://t.co/kaX3pJifZF
@newgirllbianca @ht_honey If you're on the Northern Line, I'll look out for you on Friday... 😉
@ht_honey @newgirllbianca It's not so much of an issue for me when my daily commute involves nothing more than not… https://t.co/cFNAyZzb6w
@frankallenweb I suspect that's kind of where I got that from too. That and having a g/f who was a "committed virg… https://t.co/uDlc5drCIU
@newgirllbianca @ht_honey It adds to the challenge. *Achievement Award*
@SilverDomUK @19syllables Yes, indeed...
@frankallenweb With you pretty much on (a) - definitely a grower rather than a shower, (b) not so much, I've always… https://t.co/1r0CtxT7nL
@100AcreSub I don't really watch porn more, and even when I did, it was always as an observer/voyeur not a participant
@19syllables @SilverDomUK There's also Wookies if you go far enough north. That said, tomorrow I'll be down your end, as it were...
@newgirllbianca Fair point. As the Old advert said, I just wash and go...
@newgirllbianca I manage it all in about 20 minutes. Granted, I do work from home and I'm not always dressed by the time I take my seat...
@mistress34F On reflection, it wouldn't actually do me any good as I've no one to share it with
@riversongsweet Maybe next time you're on this side of the puddle
@riversongsweet I'd offer my services but, Atlantic...
@BrigitWrites I agree, but such is life
@RebelsNotes A bit of both, but mostly the latter I'm afraid
I really miss being able to do this on a regular basis https://t.co/CIfisj3WgA
RT @Un_Mentionable: It’s 10:06 AM and the day already wants for a mid-afternoon-under-the-desk-blowjob-then-back-to-business-as-usual kind…
@AllieMore @MrsSOsbourne Funnily enough, I found climbing on board one of the Shakletons at the airbase a much more appealing prospect.
@AllieMore @MrsSOsbourne Can't believe that rickety bridge is still there. I last crossed it on a school trip about… https://t.co/De1kkxGl7a
🎶 I'm gonna fuck you, softly I'm gonna screw you gently I'm gonna hump you, sweetly I'm gonna ball you discreetly... 🎶
Spinal Tap - Big Bottom [High Quality] https://t.co/ofijd5k5MR via @YouTube
@frankallenweb It was the film, I think, that invented the whole "So shit it was brilliant" genre
@frankallenweb It's just so far from being politically correct it's not even woth trying...
🎶 Big bottom Drive me out of my mind. How can I leave this behind? 🎶
RT @HybridTheoryLMB: Confidential helplines you can access in Scotland if you are experiencing low mood or thoughts of SI/suicide, especial…
RT @dysondoc: Apple are giving away free desktop computers in a new competition. All you have to do is be the first person to enter an Appl…
@UnluckiestDater Ooooh, that's all very adulty... Good luck.
RT @reasonwespeak: Forever and always #NewProfilePic https://t.co/qSKC0mwchf
@Swirlingfire That works
@FlirteeGirl Oh! THOSE rules. No, quite right.
@FlirteeGirl Surely rules are meant to be broken
@confess_Hannah Go Go gadget Mr Tickle arms...
@Swirlingfire Make it coffee and it's a deal
@confess_Hannah Do you need stroking?
You know you've hit peak procrastination when you even manage to put off doing that...
@nookysemper Love it 😘 😍
@frankallenweb @TheSplintercat This escalated pretty fast. Get a room, will you!!! 😉
@frankallenweb @TheSplintercat You know what? I'm not going to argue...
RT @BorderIrish: I have been up all night writing the lyrics for my #eurovision song for the final this weekend. Here it is: https://t.co/t…
@UnluckiestDater It looks nice, but I doubt if I could really carry it off.
@Swirlingfire It's probably German
@Swirlingfire Me too, I just like to do it in a way that doesn't stroke their egos
@trinket_69 @ht_honey @riversongsweet And if you do call them out, if they have a large common following, they will… https://t.co/B1ShwOkJ2m
@trinket_69 @ht_honey @riversongsweet Yup. It's so often the perpetrator who manages to manipulate things so that t… https://t.co/QrQQ7C918i
@Swirlingfire I generally don't bother blocking. I don't care if they read what I say and I don't want them thinkin… https://t.co/hovooVuay2
@Katteroo_ Is that a win? I think it could be a win?
@Swirlingfire Yeah. Sadly, they are kind of unavoidable on here
@Swirlingfire Took me a year to actually come out with that. Not sure what triggered it today, but better out than in
@Swirlingfire Oh hell yes. I'm on quite good terms with most of the cliques, but I don't want to actually be in any… https://t.co/w5Pqxw7LH5
Oh, seems my bum got me a block. Ah well...
Pretty much, yup... https://t.co/LQoviurUJ9
TMI Tuesday - The Meaning Of Life #SB4MH https://t.co/mfR4mWk11i
@Exposing40 @EA_unadorned @chainbear I didn't know it was a thing. I always though that's what #ArseWednesday was f… https://t.co/79SNvp4nhE
@Charlton_Tod @LasciviousLucy @MPBjulie @PosyChurchgate @NeroTweetsHere @Books1799 @more_matters @elliotthenry36 I… https://t.co/oMZeHXuy0f
All By Herself https://t.co/GH5M20uFqr
@MPBjulie @PosyChurchgate @Charlton_Tod @LasciviousLucy @NeroTweetsHere @Books1799 @more_matters @elliotthenry36 In… https://t.co/uNPSwMYCxP
@MPBjulie @PosyChurchgate @Charlton_Tod @LasciviousLucy @NeroTweetsHere @Books1799 @more_matters @elliotthenry36 No… https://t.co/RTSc46i7gi
@Charlton_Tod @MPBjulie @PosyChurchgate @LasciviousLucy @NeroTweetsHere @Books1799 @more_matters @elliotthenry36 I… https://t.co/Xq49xl41i9
@LasciviousLucy @MPBjulie @PosyChurchgate @Charlton_Tod @NeroTweetsHere @Books1799 @more_matters @elliotthenry36 I… https://t.co/0OzDbd526l
@MPBjulie @PosyChurchgate @Charlton_Tod @LasciviousLucy @NeroTweetsHere @Books1799 @more_matters @elliotthenry36 Th… https://t.co/ny6oeMEvY1
@MPBjulie @PosyChurchgate @Charlton_Tod @LasciviousLucy @NeroTweetsHere @Books1799 @more_matters @elliotthenry36 Th… https://t.co/kWiwownLFb
And that's the end of my #SmutMarathon adventure over. Good luck to the writers still in the running
@sarahbellafina I was posting photos of the forth rail bridge earlier if that counts?
@Katteroo_ @kowbayashi It's definitely the dark side of the Forth (otherwise known as Fife)
@fiona_wyse now there's a lyric that's a blast from the past. Can't beat a bit of Aztec Camera...
@hurricane_ros I know quite a few to whom bullet three applies and at least one former colleague who fits bullet four perfectly
@AuroraGloryBlog Keep climbing... I think the majority of us in the community have had similar battles at time so w… https://t.co/wrFT8nzYdi
@SaraInLaLaLand Although being part of a crowd of 67,000 people when we've just beaten England at rugby for the fir… https://t.co/JHZb9lYyNX
@SaraInLaLaLand It is, especially when they are watching your every move and at least 50% of them will disagree wit… https://t.co/mT9dkmQdBo
@sub_bee @MissEveBlogs This is another one of those times where being a guy is, sadly, so much easier. Even if I ha… https://t.co/eHPyDWTOMW
@SaraInLaLaLand I can't believe you have only 8,000...
I really wish these were true. I'd actually visit Birmingham just for these... https://t.co/mxjimOLROI
@19syllables Ssshhh. I've a reputation to uphold
@19syllables I can do lovely now and again
@19syllables Pretty suew we all still love you though xx
I've already shared mine 😉 https://t.co/aJtebwjPRV #F4TFriday https://t.co/Wj8iaeViqL
In Plain Sight - #F4TFriday https://t.co/aJtebwjPRV
@KaylaLords Careful... That's how rumours get started... 😉
@PixieHeartblog @Mollysdailykiss The joys of being a retired rugby player
@Mollysdailykiss Sadly,the state my knee cartilage is currently in, I'm probably going to need to miss that one
Only thing that separates this from a Scottish wedding is the lack of bagpipes https://t.co/oHr8XST7zM
@ht_honey I can safely say that's one side effect it didn't cause. Having said that, I do seem to have a catlike ab… https://t.co/pxAp7MbOeW
@Mollysdailykiss Have I missed something?
@sexblogofsorts @sub_bee I suspect maybe it's a contextual thing...
@more_matters Dammit, forgot to attach the #MayDay tag to it...
RT @AwwwwCats: "Do they still worship us, child?" "Well, I shit in a box and they clean it." "Good. Good." https://t.co/PF3bJfSZkJ
Well since May lives too far away for me to wash my face in her dew, any closer offers...? 😉👅 @more_matters
Carpal Tunnel Syndrome #ThingsThatCanFuckOff
@desiecat1 They've ditched that in favour of gnome
@desiecat1 It seems to have gone OK. Ubuntu was the first linux distro I ever tried. It seemed pretty user friendly so I've stuck with it.
One Man And His Penis #MasturbationMonday https://t.co/zgzIC3DqhF https://t.co/tnHbr4zynq
@frankallenweb I've got a Windows 10 Surface tablet which is actually pretty good, but all I need my laptop for is… https://t.co/Luo2YdzDod
@Winsome_Wench Glad to hear it
@frankallenweb It really should. I've only had the bloody thing since 2005 and it just keeps going (albeit the CD-D… https://t.co/f8NYmzZq6R
@frankallenweb It's a bit of a labour of love, but I'm loathe to bin the thing while it insists on still working
@frankallenweb Sort of. I have an ancient Dell laptop that is too old to run the newer versions of Windows (it coul… https://t.co/JCX4I9j6LI
Not sure I really need an Aramaic language pack, but hey ho...
@riversongsweet Because it can. Brains are gits
@frankallenweb @SexySecretary69 Well, that's a much better option than "boobs on dudes" I guess...
@ABZQuine So you should
@SexySecretary69 @frankallenweb You need to let us know in future
@SexySecretary69 @frankallenweb I managed too...
RT @hannahrosewoods: Our landlord came and gifted us with conceptual art. https://t.co/UOJEhFQlp9
@5ubmissy @HannahLockhardt I'm with Hannah on this one. Stunning
@Jo_Forty @KeefJudge I almost have to unfollow you for that last one...😉
@MuseDreamer99 @100AcreSub I'm working on it
@Josephine_KK You turn into Mel Gibson and develop a shite Scottish accent? That's surely almost too high a price to pay... 😉
@jadewhisk @HelenScottBlog I've never had that sort of luck to date...
@HelenScottBlog Mine always seem to coincide with me being in Croydon
@HelenScottBlog Yay! Someone who managed to make me look less of a slacker than I actually am... 😉 Good luck!
@EugeneNoale Can I ask what happened to your blog?
@confess_Hannah Compliments are always easy when they are true 😘
@confess_Hannah Exactly. My goal was to survive the first elimination. I did that so anything else is a bonus
@confess_Hannah Well, you do bloody great photos, so there's still that 😘
@confess_Hannah It was always going to be a bit of a long shot when I hadn't written anything for almost two years
@confess_Hannah It hasn't really had the desired effect for me. I was hoping it would reignite my inner writer, but… https://t.co/qTpW2w4e7S
I'll be honest, I fully expect to be out of #SmutMarathon after this voting round but, you know what, if that is th… https://t.co/CqPzA4N0OX
@confess_Hannah Well that's my week well and truly made
On the plus side, #SmutMarathon assignment 4 finally submitted.
@Scientits It's just occurred to me, for all the times I've been there, I've never actually seen the outside of Bank station
@KaylaLords @RebelsNotes @ETCostello1 @BrigitWrites Pleasure was all mine...
The idea that now one does me better than I do is scary when you consider how shit I am at it...
@PosyChurchgate @sexponentialuk In my case, the answer would be "no" but for those that it works for, great
@confess_Hannah All good apart from the tulips #Allergies
@midnightoasis64 Why, thank you...
Canary Wharf #ShitViewsOfLondonFromTheTrain https://t.co/p7IwJ73LZo
Millwall stadium. Another #ShitViewOfLondonFromTheTrain https://t.co/YYyDDCdFdE
@_LittleSBitch Can't imagine anyone complaining though
Crystal Palace - Today's #ShitViewsOfLondonFfomTheTrain https://t.co/yCsFn51iiW
Another day, another trip on the Northern Line...
Care to join me? #ArseWednesday #ShowerSelfie #NakedTweet https://t.co/AVR8C3rgar
@NK_Newt @DomSigns @ht_honey @Mollysdailykiss @Kilted_Wookie Now I'm confused. Surely a biscuit is a biscuit?
@NK_Newt @DomSigns @ht_honey @Mollysdailykiss @Kilted_Wookie It's nothing like a biscuit
@ABZQuine Oooh er...
@DomSigns @NK_Newt @ht_honey @Mollysdailykiss @Kilted_Wookie The Teutonic side of my heritage does not tolerate bad… https://t.co/xd3VOM9Eo0
@NK_Newt @DomSigns @ht_honey @Mollysdailykiss @Kilted_Wookie And we have tattie scones
@NK_Newt @DomSigns @ht_honey @Mollysdailykiss @Kilted_Wookie Granted, the way they cook it in England is poor, but… https://t.co/Hob6ZN8XLA
@NK_Newt @ht_honey @Mollysdailykiss @Kilted_Wookie So long as you like bacon, we'll still welcome you...
@NK_Newt @ht_honey @Mollysdailykiss @Kilted_Wookie Awwww
@drinksmcgee And that's American short imperial, not even real imperial...
@Mollysdailykiss @NK_Newt @Kilted_Wookie Can't beat good Stornaway black pudding
RT @HOT_UKGF: https://t.co/SDgjvwwOTy
@Swirlingfire It would have to be
@jadewhisk Sadly, my flights are booked so I'm stuck there until Thursday
So... Two nights in Croydon. Deal or no deal...?
@SnookerBunny I lost interest when they changed its name to the London Snickers
RT @Liffonmelsmork: What's that, Lassie? Lulu's stuck down the WEH-EHH-EHH-EHH-EHHLLLL?
RT @missprofanity: There's a simple solution to all of this 'what is reasonable force' malarkey. STOP FUCKING BREAKING INTO PEOPLE'S HOUSES…
@NK_Newt If it's any consolation, I can't wear them either
So busy, I can't work out if I'm a headless fly or a blue arsed chicken...
@_floss_84 @PixieHeartblog Both are good and, despite being an Android user, I'd say iPhone has a slight edge, but… https://t.co/Y014ooyXP0
Oh look, it's a baby? Is it healthy? Does it have the requisite number of arms, legs and heads? Is the mother OK?… https://t.co/opZQSFjqex
@marshawritesit Well, at least it would definitely be fiction.
@_Masterseye @BibulousOne me and my filthy mind...
@marshawritesit At least you've written something
@_Masterseye @BibulousOne What a point to enter the conversation...
I don't think I can participate in this week's #KoTW because I simply have nothing positive to say on the subject (… https://t.co/8URN5YtBSw
On The Brink #MasturbationMonday https://t.co/BZla7A8ZzX https://t.co/jNyO04Ihry
@MissScarletUK @HannahLockhardt @mandapen Is it sad that I have the them tune to Mr Benn as my ringtone?
@Jedihamster100 That's quite an image 😉
@Jedihamster100 Ah, well, yeah, I guess
@NudeAndPubic Ta muchly. It's gone to seed a little, but I'm mostly fine with it
@ABZQuine Thanks, and likewise
@ABZQuine It'll pass, but thank you
So, today I'm back in longing for oblivion mode again
@confess_Hannah Works for me.
@miss_vivienne I can't really picture you as a victim somehow
@ABZQuine I do mine primarily for me
@ABZQuine Is that a problem?
@ABZQuine Need to rectify that
@ABZQuine You've done outdoor photos before
@ABZQuine Be rude not to
@Winsome_Wench Certainly not
@Winsome_Wench That's one helluva facial you got there
@ABZQuine Outside cleanliness is allowed
@sexblogofsorts Hubba hubba
@MissusBojangles That's not your birthday suit... 😉
@MissScarletUK Yay 😘
@Inner_Devil Well played 😜
@confess_Hannah @TabithaErotica @irnbru It's pure boggin
@NK_Newt No, just tired
@confess_Hannah @TabithaErotica @irnbru Ah, I'm not actually from these parts. I never got the whole brown sauce th… https://t.co/HSApFR6uhw
@NK_Newt No, I'm sure you couldn't
The time my satnav got a bit freaked out... https://t.co/sZLMivjQkm
@NK_Newt Yeah. Well played...
@NK_Newt Throw in a gosling and you've got yourself a deal...
@MissusBojangles I always maintain that the only compensations for being adult are that sex and alcohol are legal..… https://t.co/SeEfdsgFbs
@_Katenip Since when was "muesli" a colour, and even if it were, under what circumstances would it be a shade of grey?
@tjhutchings71 I'm good that you're good...
@_Katenip Most of them certainly aren't named after actual colours
@tjhutchings71 Glutton for punishment, you... 😉
One Year On… https://t.co/InT0xynWUN https://t.co/26UE86sAl5
@openspiritgrl When my cat does that, it's a trap, not an invitation
@SexySecretary69 And still as spankable as fuck...
@confess_Hannah I'm not aiming for one this month. If I break my duck by the end of the year I'll be doing well.
@confess_Hannah 18 days in, and I'm still on a resounding zero. I even counted them twice to make sure... #30DayOrgasmFun
Word for Wednesday - Wistful #SB4MH #30DayOrgasmFun #MindMatters https://t.co/BKQWCa3GMJ https://t.co/U4vNu8qMeh
@100AcreSub Is that an offer? 😉
RT @MoreThanANudist: I want to live in a world where, walking down a city street, I see a beautiful maiden, topless in an open window on th…
@MissusBojangles So, basically the 'nilla me, this me and the old me. Confused? I am and I have to live with all of the mes
@MissusBojangles It's all very convoluted, not particularly interesting and had quite a bit of mental health issues imvolved
@MissusBojangles @s It's a reasonable compromise I guess. Although, being Scottish, I may have to deep fry it... A… https://t.co/qvMYEBayJ5
@MissusBojangles I volunteer as tribute. (I also make a mean tiramisu)
RT @NudeAndPubic: Time to stop dwelling on what could have been, and get to the shop for some bacon
Scarily, that's equivalent of almost 4 days sat on a plane between Edinburgh and London https://t.co/DkyMiEk4QE
The worst thing about working in financial services is the realisation that a central part of retirement planning i… https://t.co/Gpbn9GzMd9
@ABZQuine Yes, I get that
@ABZQuine Exactly. Sometimes the cuddles become 'interactive' but it's mostly about the comfort of physical contact
@ABZQuine This would work for me
@ABZQuine Exactly. Plus side, both still here
@ABZQuine I know. Lot of water under the bridge since then
@ABZQuine We got there in the end
@ABZQuine Even if we started off in different Starbucks
@ABZQuine True. Didn't stop us filling the chat with innuendo though 😉
@QuinteLex Is petrol a valid answer?
@Exposing40 @Miss_Jezebella Well, more just daily necessities
@SexySecretary69 True enough
@SexySecretary69 She's fine mostly, but has her moments
@SexySecretary69 Nah, she's just being feline
@SexySecretary69 That'll just annoy her more
Currently being glared at by a pissed off cat...
#WickedWednesday Round-Up #SoSS https://t.co/9xainy0qlX https://t.co/IplbAGhzXS
RT @WorldBollard: Today is WORLD BOLLARD APPRECIATION DAY. For every retweet this bollard gets, we will plant a new bollard. Peace. Love.…
@5ubmissy OK, so when I say plugging...
@5ubmissy So you should. I seem to have been plugging you shamelessly today
@TitsAndTestTube All sounds great to me
@MissusBojangles Were you Scottish in a previous life?
@MissusBojangles Altogether unmistakably willylike in every aspect
@MissusBojangles It's fairly average I suspect
@MissusBojangles You had me at chocolate...
@MissusBojangles You've pulled...
@TheSplintercat @MintyBaubles Done my bit too
There are times when my dead on the insideness "shines" through a bit more strongly than others...
@MissusBojangles Hmm, yes, I guess it does.
@MissusBojangles That said, she possible doesn't have a naked, middleaged Scotsman following her on Twitter, so it all evens out I guess
@Exposing40 Sometimes, I worry...
@5ubmissy @His_Cub @Mollysdailykiss @HisLittleRara @Hairy_Dom @KaylaLords @CoffeeAndKink @sexblogofsorts Can I be g… https://t.co/IOtjKtrhbn
@MissusBojangles You win
I am trying so hard, and failing, to even contemplate giving a fuck... https://t.co/gFNFNKGVW9
@GallifreyTrenz @BlancoGoGo So it would seem
@confess_Hannah Oh, so only until the end of the week then... 😉
@confess_Hannah Must have missed that while I was down one of my dark holes. Hope you're settling in
@confess_Hannah Been there, done it, still taking the anti-depressants...
@confess_Hannah When did that happen?
@confess_Hannah Oh well, Gretna is an option for you. Where are you now?
@confess_Hannah @CoffeeAndKink @hurricane_ros You can actually only elope to Gretna if you live south of the border… https://t.co/MJguzOag2Y
@mistress34F Boo to censorship. Spoiling everyone's fun
@mistress34F Yeah, what have you done with the "real you" and when can we get her back...? 😂
@mistress34F True, but my own 18 years of regulatory supervision of financial advisory/broker firms has given me a… https://t.co/bHhJ0vHbCc
@mistress34F @Exposing40 The cynic in me *does a snort laugh at the concept of "a good financial advisor"...
@NK_Newt Yes, I'm on HTC
@NK_Newt You meant this 💋 ?
@NK_Newt I have it on mine 😘
And I'm just beginning to realise the enormity of the task yet again... https://t.co/nSau8swYr1
@SilverDomUK He is the winner of today's "Lacks the warmth and depth to be a cunt" award... @MintyBaubles
@LMCDark_Angel @velvet_sub @DarkAngelsHaven It is, although, being Scottish, I tend to use it as punctuation too.
@laurabxo Don't worry, I'm not going to SCAT2 you. What position do you play?
@laurabxo It can last a lot longer than that. I'm afraid your season is over under the HIPs
@Swirlingfire @ht_honey Add their @ name to your muted words list and you should no longer see any reference to the… https://t.co/s0mA4AysYB
Dating v Hooking Up #F4TFriday https://t.co/wrefIoRWPB
@frankallenweb @SexySecretary69 @GallifreyTrenz I do indeed. It is an account for bloggers/tweeters to share stuff.
@Letter_20 I'm sure you'll quickly come to realise the error of your ways...
@Letter_20 That way Madness lies
@thereon_cara I'm tempted to steal this tweet and use it as my SM entry... 😉
@TheSplintercat What's the matter?
@CLWearne I know you're talking about MS, but how do you always manage to make it sound like BDSM? 😉
RT @CarwrightKc: Holy Big guns batgirl. Bullet proof body 🎨 paint. https://t.co/dfPlxc12e4
@mischa_eliot Isn't that the sad and sorry truth...
@SexIsMyNewHobby Damn! You got us...😉
@ht_honey @theotherlivvy Although, I'm so unobservant, I probably wouldn't notice if I had been
@ht_honey @theotherlivvy I use iOS on iPod, the android app on my phone and tweet deck on laptop. As far as I know… https://t.co/wu76rkOIrS
@_Masterseye I know this, but in the moment it doesn't make it seem any less true
And then I feel shit because I get so may lovely, supportive comments and it makes me look like I was indulging in… https://t.co/EMXEdwU34S
@theblackcatsays Well, compared to a lot of people, I have nothing really to complain about. I'm just wallowing in self-pity
I must bore the shit out of everyone. Fuck knows, I bore the shit out of me with my constant bouts of self-loathing and misery
@theblackcatsays It's all relative I'm afraid
It's not as if I ever really have anything particularly original, let alone interesting to say, it's all mostly var… https://t.co/Gtl0fbj303
Why any of you even bother following me is a total mystery. I'm grateful, certainly, but I will never really understand it.
So, after a couple of okish days, I'm back to being in "total waste of oxygen consumption" mode
RT @Stirling72: A message to all companies with rediculous delivery charges for the north of Scotland........#twats https://t.co/nPxrRlWCg5